An American's Journey to a UK Civil Partnership

The Beginning

I met my fiancée, Anne, in February 2004 on an IRC channel. We started chatting and we decided to call each other "girlfriend" on May 12, 2004 (If one takes into account timezones and sleep depravation).

We kept our relationship on the internet for several months, chatting daily on IRC, AIM, and Skype. We fell in love not having met in person at all. This would not do...

In late August 2004 we decided that it would be appropriate for me to visit Anne in England. Being safe I decided that 3 months would be best just in case we didn't get on with each other (or she turned out to be an axe murderer). I arrived on the 20th of September, 2004 (left the US on the 19th) at Gatwick airport.

Anne was waiting for me at the airport where arriving passengers enter from immigration. She didn't spot me coming out of the hallway so I was able to slip around the barricade and sneak up behind her to give her a big hug. Surprise! I was happy to be on solid ground. We took a cab to her flat in East London. We just chilled mainly because she was unable to work from illness.

On October 18th she was evicted because she couldn't pay her mortgage. This was our first major struggle and we overcame. We stayed with her parents just outside York while she looked for work. She quickly found work and we got a flat near the York city centre. Soon, though, I "was leaving, on a jet plane" on December 8th. Only, I knew when "I'd be back again".

In November we both flew to Haugesund, Norway to visit a Gentoo colleague of mine and to visit Norway itself. We spent five days between the 12th and 17th of November, 2004. We took the bus/ferry to Bergen for a few days and then went back to Haugesund to fly to England. We had a grand time in wet and cold Norway. We even had talks of someday living there...

Having settled our first major struggle and lasting through it as a couple I had a question posed to me by Anne: Would I marry her? I thought long and hard about it. By the time I got back to the US I missed her terribly and made immediate plans to go back to the UK (in January, to take care of some things at home). I said yes to her proposal.

Extended Stay

When I booked the flights for January I booked them for six months out. Arrive in January and go back to the US in July. I looked at this time to see how she and I would get on for an extended duration. Six months is a long time to do nothing. But I didn't really do anything aside from entertain myself on the computer whilst Anne was working. In the evenings we would watch TV and hang out. We're private people and like our time together, even if it is just us together.

Needless to say it went great! We both had a great time and looked forward to me coming back. Unfortunately there was some more struggles before that could happen.

The Surgery and a Visit

I was scheduled for major surgery in October and the bill was due in late September. Anne helped tremendously, but we were both depressed. A month after I got home Anne was laid off from her work which meant that the liklihood of my (very necessary) surgery happening was very low. Our future was in jeopardy because she couldn't pay rent and would be evicted again and, and, and...

She took a chance and got some credit from her bank and we set up a website to ask for help from the Internet community. We recieved a helpful amount from the website and help from my family and my savings and the surgery went off well.

Anne came to the United States two days before her (28th September) birthday. She, my father and I went to Niagara Falls for her birthday since she'd never seen it before and everyone had a great time. It was great to show her my neighbourhood and one of the world's wonders! Best of all my father approves. Yes!

Anne came with me to Colorado for the surgery, but not before she heard that she'd been offered a position for a company in Leeds!! Awesome. We would not only have a place to live but income.

Surgery was fairly uneventful, but that's a good thing.

Back home we had three weeks to just hang out (and for me to recover) before we were going back to England for another six months. We chilled, and found that my car had died when we wanted to go somewhere. How fun. *sigh*

The Journey Home

Getting back to the UK was a real journey. Airline delays and rerouting and so forth turned what should have been a 15 or 16 hour journey into a 22 hour journey. Not fun while still sore from surgery.

Several interesting phenomena occured whilst I was away from the USA. The first being my father getting engaged to a lovely woman named Judy. The second was my father telling me that he's planning to sell the house I grew up in. The third thing was the UK passed same-sex civil partnership laws which meant Anne and I could live together. And the final phenomenon was that I was calling the UK (York, specifically) home. I had grown up and moved out and lived with the woman I love and want to spend my life with. Unfortunately I needed to have the civil partnership visa to have the civil partnership and settle in the UK afterwards.

Trouble Finds Us

And so until Christmas we were doing well. Anne had a wellpaid job, her coworkers liked her and the clients raved about her work. Almost to Christmas. Two days before Christmas Anne was summarily dismissed from her job. She was unfairly (to use a legal term) terminated and we suspected it was because of discrimination. The reasons her boss came up with were bogus as told by the CAB and further legal aid.

In February we were given notice that we were being evicted from our flat -- through no fault of our own!! We had plenty of savings, but our landlady didn't pay her mortgage so the property was being reposessed by the mortgage company. We had three weeks to vacate; three weeks to find a place to live. At this point Anne didn't have work and I wasn't permitted to work and Anne's former boss was dragging his heals with Anne's severance pay.

Luckily within a week or two we found another flat, £100 less expensive, but we had to pay five month's rent up front, draining our savings. March was a very tight month but we made it work and Anne found more work and officially started on April 1st, 2006. We were set, but April would also be a tight month because we were going to try to get my visa so we could have our civil partnership on May 22nd, 2006. My six months on a visitor visa were coming to an end and I had to go back.

The Visa Application

In April Anne and I decided to make an application for my civil partnership visa. It's a pretty straightforward procedure. Fill out an application, go to the Consulate, give them our supporting documentation and my passport for them to issue the visa. I had an appointment date of April 20th, 2006 at 11:45 a.m..

In retrospect Anne and I were either entirely naïve or illprepared. We took information from the Consulate's website which suggested that most visas are issued on the same day or next day. Anne and I thought that five days - arrive on Wednesday, appointment Thursday, Friday for 'next day' and the weekend to see Manhattan and hang out with the friend with whom I was staying - would be enough. Boy, were we wrong!

On the Thursday we were told that in addition to the letter from Anne's work which stated her position and salary they wanted a bank statement. Bear in mind we had just been evicted and Anne just started a new job. We spent our savings and Anne had to ask her boss for an advance of her April pay twice. We had £25 in the bank after we got American dollars for the application fee (£260, or US$494). The bank statement, thankfully, showed a balance available of £400ish since Anne's bank hadn't updated it, or the currency exchange hadn't processed the charge yet. Either way our bank statement said we had £400ish available. Enough to last until Anne's payday.

I rush back to the consulate with the printout and I'm told they want to book an appointment (didn't I already have one??) for an interview. The earliest interview date they had was on the 27th! I was supposed to be back in England by then! We panicked. I begged my friend to let me stay with her until then, thinking it'd be sorted and I'd be home by Saturday.

Wrong again!

In the interview the ECO grilled me asking dates and a lot about money and where I would stay and what I did whilst with Anne. The ECO said that the bank statment I provided the previous week was "negative" despite the fact that it said £400 available, even if it was in the overdraft.

Later on the 27th I took my old passport and an updated bank statement reflecting the money Anne's former boss finally paid in after four months. We had £1400 without the overdraft (it had been paid off!) and we thought that was it. Lots of money, payday in two days I'm home free.

Wrong yet again.

I got a telephone call from the Consulate on the following day stating that the decision has been made and I can collect my passport. I was elated! They did it! Then I asked what the decision was and the woman who interviewed me said that she had denied it. I hung up the phone and burst into tears. My future with Anne was, for the first time, in jeopardy of not happening for reasons the ECO wouldn't tell me over the phone! Sadness...despair...

After a flurry of phone calls to my friend, Anne and my father, I calmed down, had a shower and walked the two miles to the consulate - I was in no hurry to get the bad news. Up to the tenth floor I went and I waited, and waited, and waited. Someone would be right with me. Wait some more. After forty minutes I was finally given all of my paperwork along with an appeal form and associated paperwork. I had to sign a paper saying that I received the rejection notice. I read the notice and told the clerk that I could not sign it because it was factually inaccurate. The notice stated that I overstayed my visa after returning from Norway (Nov 17, 2004) until Jul 19, 2005 which is not true.

Flashback to January 2005

When I returned to America in December 2004 I did not receive an entry stamp, which is not unusual for American citizens entering the United States. When I entered the UK in January 2005 I did not receive an entry stamp, which is unusual for American citizens entering the United Kingdom. What happened was the flight from JFK Airport to Shannon, Ireland was delayed. After the flight had finally taken off and was an hour or so away from Shannon a flight attendant came to me and told me that my connection to Heathrow was going to be very tight and if I should miss it I can get a later flight. Just before we landed the attendant came back to me and told me that I would just make it and an Aer Lingus agent would be outside the jetway in the terminal to direct me where to go. I was the first off the flight and I ran to the terminal to meet the Irish agent who told me to run down a corridor to the gate to Heathrow. I ran and heard my name called over the tannoy and advised of my final boarding call. I ran through the terminal with my passport in hand waiting to run into the immigration desk but as I ran I eventually ran into the gate instead. I was ushered right onto the plane and it took off. My bags would be on a later flight. I landed in Heathrow on time and again walked down the terminal expecting to encounter immigration, but found nothing but Anne with a bouquet of flowers for me and a TV film crew (It's a long story, check the In the Press section for forthcoming details).

And so that's how I came to enter the UK without an entry stamp.

Back in New York City in April 2006

So I'm told I can't go back home, I have to stay in the US but we can appeal and have 28 days to do so. Anne immediately looks for a solicitor to help and has an appointment with one. They want £1200 to take care of the appeal because Anne doesn't qualify for legal aid - she makes too much money (Go figure. I guess the Consulate didn't think so!). They did advise her that it would be cheaper and quicker to just reapply again in July once she's out of her probationary period at work. That is our plan. We plan to apply again in July after the July 4th holiday using the rejection notice as a guide of what in our story needs to be filled so the Consulate can not deny the application.

I already have two affidavits from two individuals who have sworn that they saw me in the United States in January 2005 -- I couldn't have been in the UK violating my visa. Anne is getting documentation from our landlord stating that I will be permitted to stay there before and after the civil partnership and that I will be added to the lease as soon as it is possible.

We have a plan. We won't fail.

Search for Housing and Money

I couldn't burden my New Yorker friend forever, she had a one room apartment on the Upper East Side and was on a tight budget. I searched frantically and eventually came back to my hometown of Rochester, New York to stay with a couple friends until late June when I will make my way to Hawthorne, New York to stay with the aforementioned Gentoo colleague in preparation for the reapplication. Living here isn't free though.

Thankfully yet another Gentoo colleague had an opportunity for me to do some sponsored work through his company for Gentoo. It doesn't pay much but it is income and will help pay the bills!

Since I came to the US with five day's worth of clothing I was in need of some summer clothes and more clothes in general. When I got to Rochester I did some shopping and spent the first of my pay on a summer outfit - quite therapeutic, shopping is.

The Future

Anne and I were scheduled to have our civil partnership on May 22nd. Clearly that will not happen and so now we've tentatively pushed it back to mid-to-late August 2006. Assuming I get my visa, that is...

Reapplication

On June 13, 2006 I made an appointment for July 3, 2006 at the New York City Consulate. I will make the application again and present all our evidence supporting it. Hopefully they will say yes and I can be home by July 8th for a Gentoo UK conference in London.

I realised three days later that I didn't get a confirmation email and the text that I was provided with was referring to the wrong thing:

You already have a booked appointment. Would you like to keep this appointment / reschedule this appointment or cancel?

It seems their system still had my April 20th appointment in ths sytem! I thought "this" was referring to the appointment I was actively booking (for the 3rd), but it seems I was mistaken. On June 19, 2006 I remade an appointment for July 7, 2006 - four days after the original one.

All of the documentation is organised with the exception of two pieces (bank statement - getting on the 5th and my father's affidavit, also being acquired on the 5th). It looks like Friday is a "go"!

I'm flying to New York City on the 6th, the day before my appointment. I'm staying with the same friend as in April.

July 7th, 2006 Appointment

I arrived at the Consulate early and had to wait 10 minutes before they would let me in. So I had a croissant at the shop across the street for breakfast and to waste some time.

The guards gave me the Consulate sticker identifying me as a guest and let me in. On the 10th floor I stood in line and waited. And waited. And waited. My turn came up and I got the ECO that didn't interview me in April (I was relieved!). I gave him all of my documentation and he told me to sit down and wait a "few minutes" because his supervisor would have to review the application due to the previous rejection.

So I sat and waited. Then waited some more. Then I got my book out and read some. And waited... After an hour I was called up to the window and told that I would need to schedule an interview for a day in the coming week, Wednesday, to be exact. So once again I find myself waiting on the Consulate and having to do an interview after having an appointment already.

I did find one thing out: The Consulate does not do interviews on Fridays.

July 12th, 2006 Interview

With mere minutes left before the interview is scheduled to start I am completely nervewracked. I'm going through every possibile question I can think of that they might ask and thinking about my answer. On my laptop I have all the electronic copies of the documents we submitted, a glass of water, and I'm hoping for the best.

The interview started a minute early and the "meat" of the interview was dealing with money: Who was going to pay for the flight home? What will the civil partnership cost? What has Anne's work history been? What does she make? And she was also in her overdraft for the past few months, mainly because we were evicted in February and she started a new job in April.

Now that the interview is over I am far more pessimistic. The consulate is extremely anal (e.g., stubborn and has no sense of humanity or reality of how the finances of real people work) and it seems the type of thing they would reject an application for.

In any event I'll hear the final word on Friday after noon.

July 14th, 2006: Judgement Day

A friend of mine came into New York for the day and we made a day of it: Went to Chinatown, British Consulate, Uptown... I met her at Grand Central Terminal at 10:30 and we walked the 10 blocks to the British Consulate and got there at 11:00. I went up to the tenth floor, visa section, and asked the man at the desk if my papers were ready.

In April when I got my rejection they made me sign papers saying that I received and acknowledged the rejection and when I picked that up there was my passport sat in the bin with papers tucked inside it. When I arrived today there were passports stacked up and off to the side (where mine was in April) was an American passport with papers tucked inside it. I was nervous before I presented my card.

The man came to the glass and I gave him my card and he reached for the lone passport with no papers. I knew immediately that it was approved and that I was going home.

I only had to get the tennancy agreement (which is going to be changed in a week or two to include me anyways) and I was on my way, each step was a step closer to an airplane leaving 22:00 Sunday night (July 16th, 2006).

It's a strange thing to finally have the visa. I had set myself up for rejection and I'm still in shock about it. I am constantly saying to myself "I'm going home! I can't believe it!!" and checking page ten in my passport to look at the entry clearance visa. I am over the moon and I look forward to our civil partnership in the coming weeks!

Returning Home

On Sunday July 16th, 2006 at 18:00 EDT I left New York City for the City of York. To make a long story short: Anne met me at Manchester airport and we took a train to York and a cab home to our flat. We arrived on Monday July 17th, 2006 at around 21:00 BST. Door-to-door travel time of about 22 hours.

With the visa in hand we're going to give notice next Tuesday of our intent to register a Civil Partnership! Fifteen days after that we'll have it done. We'll spend £335 to get the longer visa and then I can work! Horray money!

Drawing Closer - 24 Jul 06

After a flurry of phone calls today we've managed to provisionally book a date in early September for our Civil Partnership. The York office told us I needed to give notice in Leeds and that Anne had to give notice in York. This is, of course, wrong. We both need to give notice in Leeds.

But that would be too simple. Folks, you can't make this up! Due to a complete oversight on our part Anne needs a piece of documentation that will take at least six weeks (and up to 24 weeks!) to get plus £400 or more.

Still waiting - 18 Aug 06

We're still waiting on Anne's documents. People move slowly!

ARRGH!!! - 15 Sept 06

So we got one of the letters that Anne needs but the person responsible for filling it out did so blatently incorrectly (and contrary to the plain-as-day instructions and 'how to' booklet that came with it). So a month after we sent off for them we got it back WRONGLY! My visa expires in four months and we really need this document to get things moving. Once we have it we can then use it to get another document and then we can register for the civil partnership.

It really does feel like a bad roleplaying game with a lot of bad quests: Work three months and acquire the Document of Employment; fly to New York and acquire Visa. Except we're not having fun.

Third Time Lucky? Provisional Booking

Anne got the document she needed and we've made a provisional booking for the 9th of December, 2006. Next step is to give notice and we're all set!

Gave Notice and Wrapping Things Up

On November 21st, 2006 Anne and I ventured to Leeds and gave notice for our civil partnership. Everything went well and no one ojbected to an American girl and a British girl wanting to form a civil partnership.

Tomorrow, December 9th at 14:30 Anne and I will sign the papers to formalise our relationship. Signing the papers tomorrow offer us all sorts of legal protections (such as me being able to stay in the UK with my love!) and it will be a very important day.

Unfortunately my family, being American, will not be able to attend the paper signing so Anne and I are going to keep the day "small" and "simple" by just signing the papers and having tea with her parents and a relative afterwards. In the new year we're planning a proper celebration with the hopes that my North American based family and friends (as well as Anne's family and friends, of course!) can come visit and share in the celebration of our love for each other.

The Day Of - 9 Dec 2006

So the day has come. Anne and I are now married (or "civil partners" depending on the vocabulary one uses). At the end we went to the registry office and signed some papers. We'll celebrate next year.

Afterwards we went to the Dean Court Hotel for afternoon tea. It was quite nice but not our first choice. The first choice had a wedding reception for one hundred and despite the fact that Anne's mother phoned 10 days in advance and was assured we'd have a place for tea there was nothing except screaming children and their parents. Anne and I were very happy with the Dean Court.

The next step is to apply for an extension of my visa with FLR(M) form which will take about a month to process.

The FLR(M) is in the Mail!

On 27 Dec 2006 Anne and I put the FLR(M) form in the mail on its way to the Home Office. I'm writing this a month later since I forgot to update on the day. I personally didn't think the application will take more than a couple of weeks.

One month later

Dear Ms. [My surname]

Thank you for your application to remain in the United Kingdom following your civil partnership registration. Your application has been granted.

So I'm very happy to have received this on 25 Jan 2007! Anne and I are relieved and now It's time for me to put this journal to rest for two years. My plans for the next two years is to find a job, get to know the British culture more and spend time with my wonderful wife!

2008

This is being written in 2009 (February 5th, 2009) as a post-script. At the end of 2007 things were rocky and Anne and I decided it'd be best to go our separae ways. In January of 2008 Anne lost her job and ultimately decided to (and did) take her own life on March 6, 2008. She was 29 years old and is missed to this day. Some of her videos remain on her YouTube page.